I lost my mum.  Four of the most painful words I will ever write.  The fear of losing her haunted me for years; this year it happened. It wasn’t supposed to happen, it’s never really meant to happen, right? If I were to be the designer of life, no one would lose their mothers before they were ready, the good mothers that is. Yes, mothers would die well into their 90s, well after we had mothered our own children to adulthood. And they wouldn’t suffer in the latter years, they would just ride through life with all their loving motherly energy and one day they would lie down for a…